Please pardon the hiatus, but the “begots” got me down. What a bunch of convoluted and unnecessary crap. We get it, you’re establishing the path to Jebus, but why do you feel that this is important, yet Jebus’ teenage years weren’t? Apparently god in his infinite wisdom forgot to have someone edit his work. But then again, this wouldn’t be the first time… what happened with the platypus? Way to go god.
Thank Dawkins! Finally reached Exodus. Let the fun begin!
· Thou shall not lie, but if thou does, it should be a funny one!
A couple of midwives ignore the Pharaoh’s order to kill all male children born to Israelites. When the Pharaoh discovers that the male children were allowed to live he investigates the matter. The midwives tell him that “Hebrew women are not like Egyptian women; they are vigorous and give birth before the midwives arrive.” (Ex 2:2)
Something about “vigorous” birthing conjures funny mental images.
· “Moses and the Burning Bush” anyone else find that heading amusing?
· “[Moses] came to Horeb, the mountain of god. There the angel of the lord appeared to him in flames of fire within a bush… when the lord saw that [Moses] had gone over to look, god called to him from within the bush.” (Ex 3:1-4)
What?!? The bible tells us that god has a mountain and provides us its name? It even tells us that it’s in Egypt. How difficult can it be to find a mountain? Seriously, think about how obvious a mountain is. All we have to do to find god is seek the mountain with god’s burning bush! (snicker, snicker…).
Now the question remains” who actually appeared in the bush? Was it “The angel of the lord” or god him/itself? Since it claims to be god, lets take it on its word and say its god (after all, wouldn’t you believe a burning bush?). So this is yet another personal appearance by god. His powers must have weakened over time. He’s gone from appearing in flaming bushes to appearing on pieces of toast, grilled cheese sandwiches and Wal Mart receipts. Whatever agent booked him those appearances needs to be fired.
· “The lord said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them…” (Ex 3:7-8)
Oh, how compassionate. God makes a personal appearance to rescue those who are suffering. Need I point out what a crock of shit this is? Did humanity have only one get out of jail free card, or had god become lazy and apathetic? What about all of the other people who are suffering in this world? You’d think that an all loving, all knowing, all powerful god would be making personal appearances left and right to alleviate the suffering in this world. Perhaps god has outsourced that job to heathenistic liberal celebrities… and the right-wingers would have you believe they’re bad people.
· “god said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” This is what you are to say to the Israelites: “I IM sent me to you.” (Ex: 3:14)
Ok, now god has flipped his shit. He’s claiming the name “I AM.” How many names does one deity need?
· Wholy- fuck! God really wants people to know he’s god. “What if they do not believe me… and say ‘the lord did not appear to you’? Moses threw his staff on the ground and it became a snake…Moses reached out and took hold of the snake by the tail and it turned back into a staff in his hand. “this,” said the lord, “is so that they may believe that the lord, the god of their fathers… has appeared to you.” (Ex. 4:1-5)
Not only does god make personal appearances, but he provides his messengers with evidence of his existence via miraculous means. Is that too much to ask for these days? Let’s update it to say… a beer bottle that turns into a beautiful woman when set down. I’d feel compelled to believe a god exists if that happened. I guess I could settle for a staff turning into a snake… either way, god is trying really hard in the OT to be known, what happened?
· Oh, it keeps getting better! God gave Moses two more miraculous signs: the ability to alter the flesh of this hand and to turn water into blood! (Ex. 3:6-9). I hate to say it, but you Christians have really lowered your standards for what you’ll accept as proof of god.
